DISPATCH EIGHT: Judgment Day

PREPARE FOR JUDGMENT

This past week, I had a fantastic experience during a weekend-long clinic that included private training sessions, auditors, and folks who jumped in at the last minute for lessons. It was wonderful watching folks refine their riding, making minor adjustments culminating in big improvements, learning new things, and gaining confidence in themselves and their horses. In the course of doing so, I could grade which of my string would make the best “lesson horse.”  (They’re all great by the way, but Rippy exposed himself as an all-around superstar. I’m beginning to see why my wife has an affinity for APHA/AQHA double reg. horses.)

Anyway, while everyone involved ultimately had a good time, I did notice moments of one particular gremlin raising its ugly little head, most often, when riders were “riding in front of people.” It’s a rotten feeling that can suck the joy out of a great day with your horse: the fear and pressure of BEING JUDGED.

I laugh as I say this because it’s a familiar feeling. Struggling with being judged held me back from so many things early on in my career. One day, I had an epiphany: “Who cares?” and the minute I let go of caring about someone’s judgment, I was free. I was free to learn, free to look outside of the box I’d allowed myself to get stuck in, free to try new things, free to let go of methods that didn’t serve me, and free to hold on to the methods that did work for me, no matter what anyone else thought.

As equestrians, we’re almost always putting ourselves in a position to be judged. Whether you’re paying judges to deliver judgment in competition or sport, whether it’s by our coaches and trainers, by ourselves, our egos, or by our friends, the specter of judgment is there.  Don’t be embarrassed if you feel “called out!” It’s a common issue. We don’t always recognize it, as it might present itself as this floating “ugh” or a rock in the pit of our stomach. It can appear as frustration or discomfort, making the rider tense. Sometimes, people know exactly where the discomfort comes from; sometimes, they don’t. It’s one of our greatest fears: BEING JUDGED.

Regardless of its source, I’ve got to say this: STOP IT.

Obviously, I’m not saying, “Stop putting yourselves in a position to be judged.” Equestrians, competitive professionals, or weekend trail riders aren’t ever going to not be judged—Peek at the comment section of any horse-related post on social media. THERE WILL BE JUDGMENT. (I find the best comments come from people who don’t ride, too, because, after all. . .if you’re not riding, you can’t make a mistake. Ha.)

When I say “STOP IT,” I mean that you, we, should cease to take judgment as a negative.

Judgment is omnipresent, and you’re not going to escape it. What you can do, however, is learn to use it to your advantage. For instance, if a judge critiques your form, use that feedback to improve your technique. Stop equating judgment with deconstruction and begin viewing it as another way to add a tool to your toolbox.

Again, when entering the arena, going for the blue and the gold, you are asking to be judged. So I’m sure you’re probably thinking “Well, yeah. I can’t forget that I’m being judged when I’m literally being judged.”

STOP CARING

My solution for that? Embrace the freedom that comes from not caring about judgment! Be present and enjoy all the work you’ve put in to get to where you are. I understand that it’s easier said than done. I get that.

But let me tell you a quick story:

A woman I know was slowly working back into riding and showing after what she considered a catastrophic accident. She’d done well in her previous shows. A blue ribbon here, red and yellow there. However, she couldn’t get over the nerves that attacked her when she knew the eyes of the judges were upon her. She couldn’t get past that little hump. This is a feeling many of us can relate to. The pressure of performing well in front of others can be daunting.

On the night before a show, during the pre-show Mexican dinner, her Margaritas were switched around with those of someone who ordered “double-shot” Margaritas. Extraordinarily hung over the next day, she rode naturally, without caring what the judges thought. Her focus was only on herself and her horse. She and her horse snagged a Champion ribbon in that round and Reserve Champ for the weekend overall.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you go out and get hung over before you ride, but this little detour supports the idea that being in the moment with your horse, shutting out the noise, and not worrying about judgment can quite often help you perform better. It's about being present, feeling the connection with your horse, and letting go of unnecessary worries.

Of course, we want to be “perfect” for the judges. Of course, we want to hear “atta boy” and “atta girl” from our coaches, and of course, we want to improve, but when your fear of judgment cripples you instead of propels you forward, you need to let it go.  Fear of judgment should not be part of your program if it does not serve you. You’re not being judged on your fear, so why bring it into the ring?

CONSIDER THE SOURCE

Sometimes, we confuse legitimate and valid criticism and direction for judgment. Let's clarify the difference. Criticism is specific feedback on your performance, while judgment is a general evaluation of your abilities. At all levels, riders can get overwhelmed by the commentary of their coaches and trainers. I’ve talked to people who think they’re unhappy with their trainers and, once we delve into their struggles, conclude that there’s a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or that the student may be hearing their well-intentioned trainer through a filter of self-doubt.

Trainers and coaches have a job to do – and that job is to make you capable, effective riders. We will often say things meant to improve your riding, not make you feel defeated. Of course, trainers have bad days, too. But really, all they’re trying to do is help. Their advice and critiques are not negative judgments. It’s simply your trainer doing their job.

Always remember to HEAR WHAT YOUR TRAINER ACTUALLY SAYS, and do NOT CONFUSE IT WITH YOUR INSECURETIES.

Example:

 Your trainer yells loudly over the wind, “More leg, Jen.” Here, they are making the judgment that you need to put on more leg, and this “judgment” is actually just instruction. No one else is paying attention to this because they’re worried about their own riding.

You hear, through a filter, “More leg, Jen, you goof! You have no business being on a horse. You’re the worst. You’re terrible.” You shrink because you think that everyone heard it, and now everyone is watching you, also judging you, and also thinking you’ve no business being on a horse.

Is that what he really said?

When the source of “judgment” is your trainer, do your best to a) take it at face value and b) understand that they only want to help you improve. It’s instruction based on your trainer’s judgment of your actions. It’s not meant to tear you down. Use it to your advantage.

(It should be noted that some trainers use aggressive teaching methods, and some students blossom under that archetype. And that’s okay! Whatever gets you to a place where you enjoy your horse is critical. Your coach – whether gentle or gruff – has information that matters. Take it for what it is, but don’t mistake it for “judgment.”)

Ahem. Who is she to judge?

Now, there are people, sometimes well-meaning and sometimes not who bring judgment to the table. Maybe there’s a Know it All Nancy at your barn or a rider who is extremely well-versed in a particular discipline. . .a discipline you don’t ride in and don’t care to ride in. You’ll be rounding the corner at the barn, and maybe you’ll hear, “Tsk. She just needs to drop her stirrups a hole” or “If she would just use a different bit. . .”

 Do those people ride your horse? Have those people spent enough time with you to determine what you really need? Maybe so, and if so, you might want to hear them out and try their suggestions – but do your very best to take that input and put it to work for you. Don’t let it get you down. It might even work! And if it doesn’t, you can say you tried!

 Otherwise, find someone you trust. Ask your trainer, or if you feel stuck even with your trainer, ask for the input of a different trainer. That doesn’t mean you need to quit yours! It’s just that sometimes, fresh eyes can make a difference.

 I repeat: When hearing “judgment,” just consider the source.

SHUT DOWN THE EGO

As soon as you stop caring, you eliminate the fear of judgment and are free to be yourself. If you have an eventer riding with you and telling you to ride one way or a field trial hunter telling you to ride another, remember - you don’t have to ride like either of them because you’re not trying to be them. Don’t let someone’s judgment keep you from progressing.

Again, it’s hard work, but transforming “judgment” into simple data can make it work for your benefit. It’s what you make of it.

Ultimately, don’t worry about it. As long as you are not harming your horse, as long as you’re enjoying your horse, and as long as you’re an active participant with your horse—whether the simplicity of riding your animal the way you want to or being part of its further education—just accept that there’s going to be a lot of noise from a lot of outside sources. Learn what to keep and what to throw away.

Enjoy your horses, friends!